Finding our voices

After venting to a friend recently about my frustrations with not being able to articulate my thoughts out loud -- she turned to me wisely and said "You just need to find your voice."

Finding your own voice is a universal longing. Who doesn't want that sense of being secure in themselves and what their mission is in life and then be able to articulate to the world? For as long as I can remember, this has been my dream- to understand and take hold of my strengths, use them for good, and put them out there confidently and make a difference in this world.

For me, finding my own voice has been 34 years in the making. Knowing who I am and what my strengths are was the easy part-- however, articulating out loud and confidently has proved more difficult. Through the years I would tentatively put my voice out there and then I would quickly dismiss it and/or hide it for fear of what others thought.

Who would have guessed that the very thing that brought me out of my own shell- the very thing that it took for me to rid my own silence/ get my voice out there would be my own daugher who is suffering herself from finding her own voice, but in her case, her struggle with finding her voice is in the literal sense.

Our first born, Hannah, was perfect. For the first few years of her life, she did everything early- she walked by 8 months old, she talked early, was so observant, so quick to learn, curious and absorbed everything. Hannah was also very shy to warm up to new people/ new situations. As she entered preschool, we began to discover that her anxiousness was more than just being shy. After going through preschool without speaking out loud to friends/teachers the entire year, we understood we were dealing with something different and we began to investigate.

Around the age of 4 Hannah was diagnosed with Selective Mutism, a social communicative anxiety disorder. It has been said that those who suffer from Selective Mutism want to speak, but literally can't get the words out......they can't find their voice.

Like any good parent would do, I immediately went into research mode- read, reached out to experts and other parents with SM kids, advocated at school and did everything I could to set Hannah up for success. With this, I have experienced the plethera of emotions that come with having a child with any kind of disorder-- sadness, frustration, disapointment, anger, and so on. However, with the hard emotions, I have also had this faith that Hannah was given to us because we can handle it and somehow we would figure this out.

Hannah is now 7 years old and she has taught our family so much. I find it ironic that in Hannah's silence, it has actually ridded mine--- her Selective Mutism has made me become a strong advocate for her, sometimes putting me in a position where I have to be tough and throw what people think of me out the window-- it has made me become a subject matter expert--something that has been tough for me (I get restless easy and this is a subject I am dedicated to learning inside and out), and this experience has inspired me to do what I have always wanted, which is write and hopefully make a difference.

A wise person told me that when you write you can't think too much about what you are writing or you get hung up on details. So, to that end, I will wrap up with this: no matter your age, your hesitation, your reason for not finding your true voice, you are welcome here.