Persistence Pays Off

Persistence Pays Off

Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “Press On” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.- Calvin Coolidge

I have often marveled at my daughter's persistence. When she sets her mind to do something she is relentless in moving toward that end. She plows forward, determined with all her might, to accomplish her mission or get the desired result she is looking for. Whether it is something as simple as wanting a snack or to play with a friend or something more complex like mastering the monkey bars, piano or math problems, she is tenacious in learning and getting her desired outcome

I have been known to sometimes get frustrated by H's gift of persistence. "She is relentless!" I tell my husband after a long battle over why she can't play with her best friend whom she has already had a sleepover and all day playfest. But all the while I secretly marvel and burst with pride at this quality she possesses because truth be told, I admire it. I know that as her life progresses this quality will take her far. She may annoy or frustrate some people along the way, but her persistence is going to take her places, solve complex problems and more importantly give her strength to live her life, her way and on her terms. Persistence is one of the qualities that have driven great leaders, thinkers, artists and the like for centuries.

When Persistence Pays Off........Notes from our Selective Mutism Journey

So, you probably get where this is going- the apple doesn't fall from the tree, right? Yes, I am definitely persistent with a capitol P. Persistence has a huge driving force behind figuring out SM and how to help H. I have researched, networked, read, asked questions, attended conferences, meetings, sought out professional help from therapists, prayed and the list goes on....all in effort to help H get rid of her silence. I am absolutely convinced that with persistence and patience we will get there.

After 4 years on this journey, we have made strides, but not at the pace we want. H is still not speaking out loud in school and various other social situations, including with the therapist we were spending major bucks on.

"Whoever said anybody has a right to give up?" -Marian Wright Edleman

What is a persistent person to do next? It felt like we had explored almost all avenues-- but then, our big, big break!! This summer H and I went to the Selective Mutism conference in Anaheim, CA. Upon hearing one of the presenters (Dr. K from New York University Child Study Center) speak about a controversial new approach to treating SM, my ears perked up. This approach focused more on getting the SM child to speak sooner than later- otherwise known as behavioral therapy. This approach is deemed to be rather controversial because much of the literature out there on Selective Mutism suggests that putting emphasis on the speaking puts more pressure on them, thus making it harder for them to speak. There are also many who believe it is more important to get at the root issue of anxiety before getting them to speak. This is the approach may work for some, but in H's case this approach was not working.

Upon returning from the conference I had a gut feeling that Dr. K was onto something. Controversial or not, I had made up my mind that we were going to try this new approach. After several follow up discussions with Dr. K he suggested that we try a one week intensive therapy session right here in our community. He highly recommended a therapist who had success applying the behavioral therapy to several other SM kids. She was willing to fly out here to stay for the week and work with H for 5-6 hours/day.

The week prior to school we started therapy. Every day the therapist worked with H, our family, her friends, out in the community and with school staff to guide H to slowly change her behavior--- initially she worked with H to stop nodding her head to actually verbally saying yes or no out loud. The therapist worked with H to initiate questions in the community (another common struggle for SM kids) and worked with H to plan her day and know what to expect so there were no surprises (something SM kids are not fond of). All of this work was done in a gradual, fading in process and following H's lead. The week was very intense for us all, but the amazing thing is that H rose to every challenge presented this week, which boosted her confidence and really showed her what she is capable of doing.

"Arriving at one point is the starting point to another." -John Dewey

Certainly Hannah is not 'cured' because of this intensive therapy-- but it is a new starting point for us. Now we know that H is capable of speaking when given the opportunity (and not enabled) and the right tools/incentives. Having gone through this intensive training, it renewed my sense of hope and faith that Hannah will make it through all of this. For Hannah, she got a good glimpse at what it feels like to have her world open up and let more people see her true self and hear her beautiful voice.

A good reminder that.....Persistence pays off.

For more about Dr. K and SM treatment go to:

http://www.aboutourkids.org/files/articles/fall2007.pdf