Sometimes looking on the bright side seems so cliche. I mean, sometimes I just want to feel down, disappointed, frustrated or hopeless....that is part human, part hormonal I think. But many times it is also just plain EASIER to feel 'down'. It is much harder to make a choice to be happy and positive!
My grandma (who is a very healthy 92 year old) is a perfect role model for the value in positive thinking. Raised as a Christian Scientist (not to be confused with Tom Cruise's Scientology), she has led a life that emulates the power of positive thinking ("Christian Scientists believe in the saving, healing power of God’s love—that no one is beyond redemption, that no problem is too entrenched or overwhelming to be addressed and healed"). She finds the best in every situation, no matter how dire or overwhelming and rarely has a negative thing to say about anything or anyone. She has a strong faith and belief that everything that happens serves a purpose and with positivity and faith, you will carry through stronger in the end. I firmly believe that this positivity has contributed to her happiness and over all well being through her life. When I think of someone who is truly APPRECIATIVE in every sense of the word, I think of her.
Some say that just one minute of INTENSE APPRECIATION overrides thousands of hours spent in "poor me", victim mode. This is certainly not a new concept, however, one of those things that requires constant practice and attention-- Susan Jeffers says "we have been taught to believe that negative equals realistic and positive equals unrealistic."
Looking on the bright side of Selective Mutism.......
Certainly there have been times in the last few years since Hannah's SM diagnosis that I have been down, sad, frustrated "why me?", "why her?" mode. when you are dreaming about your child's future you are not dreaming of your child in a classroom full of peers who literally can't get the words out or your child on the sidelines of a soccer field, clutching you so tight that you can't move a muscle yourself or a child frozen in fear at the sight of Santa or a birthday party......the list goes on.
I have to admit, it was not until recently that I have started looking on the bright side of Selective Mutism. I decided to look at this situation from a different angle- look at the bright side of Selective Mutism.
To that end, I jotted down a list of what I am grateful to have gained so far in our journey with SM:
1. persistence/ perseverance "we will get through this together"
2. patience (insert many, many deep breaths here-- any parent knows just how much patience you need in those 'moments' with our SM kids)
3. compassion (we ALL have our fears/struggles or things we are not as good at)
4. confidence (letting go of others opinions/judgements of us)
5. advocacy (speaking up on Hannah's behalf and in her best interest at school and in community)
6. goal setting (critical to making progress......brings me back to Corporate HR days of creating SMART goals --specific, measurable, actionable,realistic,timely)
I believe so strongly that Hannah are I are learning these things TOGETHER and will undoubtedly be stronger and wiser after going through what she has in her younger years. While no child should ever have to suffer in silence, it is a comfort to know that Hannah's experience dealing with SM, has already helped so many others take a look at themselves and what is holding them back (their own anxieties/finding their voice/etc.). If we expect her to be brave, then we should also come to expect the same for ourselves- challenge and stretch ourselves to overcome fears/anxieties.
Once you are on the bright side......
Many of you have heard about the concept of a GRATEFUL JOURNAL and maybe even kept one yourself. One night I talked to Hannah about my own journals, and how writing down everything I am grateful for/appreciate makes me feel so good. Her first two pages were amazing and so touching to read what she was thankful for.....perhaps Hannah's few seconds at night, writing in her journal, will help her stay on the bright side of things.
Looking on the bright side has its advantages. What will you find on the bright side? You won't know unless you practice and try going there. What have you learned from your experience with an SM child or from other challenges in your life? How can you take these learning's and help your SM child see the POSITIVE side of what they are going through. How do you model positive thinking for your child and/or loved ones?
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