Go Toward the Fear

Isn't it odd how in the span of one week you can receive the same message over and over until you finally realize- oh, maybe the universe is trying to get my attention?

In the last week......here are some repeat messages I have received in varying forms from different messengers.



1. In my writing group last week, my friend J, said "go toward the fear"- this stuck with me all week.

2. Pastor G gave a sermon about Luke and used a simple fishing analogy on Sunday. He reminded us that fishing in the shallow end may be safe, but is limiting- but when you go fishing in the deep end, while risky, your reward could be huge. He charged us with "doing one thing a day that scares you."

3. A couple times this week Hannah has read and repeated the following saying that is on a framed poster in our house- "do one thing a day that scares you". Perhaps Pastor G has seen this poster? Trust me, she wasn't listening to his sermon.

4. I watched the Hallmark movie "Head of the Class" and it was about a real life story of a man with Tourett's Syndrome. He had thought and been told he could never be a teacher because it would be too distracting to students, but he applied anyway, and in the end taught his 2nd grade students so much more than math,reading-- he taught them about perseverance and facing fears-taking a risk. I balled my eyes out - darn Hallmark.

To the point- how often do we all trudge through life and keep going on in the same direction as the day before? Do we take enough risks? Do we face fear head on and live through the emotions, feelings and uncertainties that come our way? "What we resist persists" is the old saying. Going toward fear can mean facing whatever fear is holding you back- limiting you in some way. Some of us will immediately know what those fears are and others may have to take a deep breath and 'go deep' to know what they are.

Of course, Hannah comes to mind as I sit here and write this blog about facing fears. Talk about going toward fear. For a child with SM, every day presents that opportunity. The root cause of Selective Mutism is anxiety- a fear of speaking in certain situations, a fear of what others will say or how they will respond once they do speak, a fear of whether they are doing something right (perfectionist). These fears take hold and the child goes silent. The longer they live and accept this silence as a way to function/deal with their anxiety and their fears the harder it is for them to see a way out of it. This is also true for the rest of us- whatever our fear- the fear takes control and we feel powerless or paralyzed to face the fear.

In a few more weeks our beloved therapist, Melissa, will make the trip from NY to MN to work with Hannah again. This week will be alot of 'going toward fear' for Hannah. The classroom has always been the toughest place for her- yet, I think now that she has made so many strides this year outside of school and now in certain areas of school (recess, lunch, hallways), we are nearing the big hurdle of the classroom. The best part is, when I ask Hannah about Melissa coming back and if she is ready- she says yes. She is looking forward to it- she doesn't say it in those words, but I can see it in her face and feel it in her heart, that she is ready to go toward the fear.

It is so surreal- in some ways I feel like my 7 year old daughter is MY teacher- this wise old soul who was born to me as a gift to help me grow and expand in ways I never could have without having helped her through SM. In helping her release her fears and find her voice, she is effectively helping me release my fears and find my voice. We are going through this together. I am grateful.

Go toward the fear. Hannah, I will hold your hand all the way- if you promise to hold mine.