The Art of Just Being There

I have been spending alot of energy this week thinking about a friend of mine, LeeAnn. LeeAnn has been battling a serious illness since this summer and is still in the midst of unknowns, treatments, and alot of "what ifs?" While she appears to look normal and for the most part, feels good, her insides are in the fight of their life, battling against cancer. I have called, visited and sent notes, but yet I can't get her out of my mind and wonder what more I could do.....I feel so helpless and so unsure of what she needs during this uncertain time.

A brief word about how LeeAnn and I met: About 4 years ago we were brought together by our daughters who became friends in preschool. Hayley was not your average preschooler- she was more like an angel- in my eyes......for she offered friendship to Hannah during some of the most difficult years (ages 3-4) of Hannah's Selective Mutism. She accepted Hannah, despite her silence, and was her friend in such a pure, unconditional way. I can still picture the two of them sitting silently next to one another, working on art projects and coloring. Hayley accepted my child, who didn't say a word out loud, laugh at her jokes, or respond to her questions. Hayley sat with Hannah and had no expectations. Hayley didn't leave her side to go off with other preschoolers who did talk. Hayley was an unconditional friend when Hannah needed one most. I will always hold a special place in my heart for Hayley. (note: picture of Hannah and Hayley was taken this year- side by side at the art table!)

After preschool, the girls remained in touch through play dates, birthday parties and swim lessons. LeeAnn was always such a good listener and so supportive through those early years of us getting to know Selective Mutism. She also shared in our excitement as Hannah began speaking with Hayley and her family. She couldn't wait to tell me how Hannah was talking her ear off at Hayley's birthday party this year-- something Hannah had never been able to do through the years (birthday parties are very tough for SM kids).

So as I sit here wondering what I can possibly do to support LeeAnn in her time of need, I think of what Hayley did for Hannah. I find it ironic that in searching for how I can best help LeeAnn, I find my answer in how her daughter treated mine.

Looking back on Hayley and Hannah's friendship has helped me see what is truly important: just being there, unconditionally. It reminded me not to get caught up in whether I am giving enough in the material sense of the word (meals, cards, flowers)- but rather am I giving Leeann my time without expectation or trepidation of doing or saying the wrong thing. I need to focus on the art of just being there, just as Hayley was for Hannah.

I believe that the universe has a timing and purpose to everything. Just as it was Hayley's time to offer a hand to Hannah and sit in silence with her, it is now my time to sit in silence with LeeAnn and just be. I may not know the right thing to say or do, but just my presence by her side may be enough.

Please keep LeeAnn in your thoughts and prayers and count your blessings for friends like Hayley.